The second part of Step Eleven brings focus on knowing God’s will for our lives, and we are admonished to pray for the power to carry it out. Implicit in that statement is the idea of giving over my imperfect will and receiving in its place God’s perfect will for my life. Often in discussions of this concept, we hear the word surrender. Although able to give a dictionary definition, I have personally struggled with the practicality of how to surrender. Although convinced of the necessity of surrender, I continually ask, “What does surrender really look like in the life of a sex addict?”
During a recent discussion in my home group, the lights came on! Surrender is not a religious term, nor a social concept; it is a military term, and its implications from the military setting held the key to my finally understanding its practical application in my life.
The defeated lays down all of his arms – in fact, all of his possessions – and gives them over to the victor. The victor then decides what, if anything will be given back to the defeated. The defeated cannot decide to keep his sword or his gun or, for that matter, even his uniform. In surrender he gives over everything and is totally at the mercy of the victor.
Should not our surrender to God’s will be similar? If I am truly defeated by my addiction, as acknowledged in Step One, and I truly believe that God can and will restore me to sanity, if I subject my will to His, as in Step Two and Three, should I not be willing to surrender absolutely everything to the One who promises victory and freedom?
Am I really surrendering my will if I hold on to a stash of pornography? Can I claim surrender if I keep contact information for persons with whom I have acted out in the past? Is it surrender if I hold back secrets of dalliances or Internet forays from God or my sponsor when doing my Fifth Step? Have I really surrendered, if I pick back up my weapons again?
No! Surrender requires that I hand over everything – my old way of thinking, my old way of acting! I must be willing to give up everything connected to my addiction and place myself at the mercy of God.
My experience has been that in His mercy God has given back to me much more than I could ever expect or imagine. Who could imagine victory and freedom from surrender?
Jim L, Birmingham
The Outer Circle, ISO of SAA, May-Jun 2009, p. 19.