Typically, most sex addicts come to SAA after having tried several times – and using numerous methods – to stop. We’ve tried. And failed. Nothing we tried in the past could keep us sober. Not consequences or sorrow or promises or therapy or counseling or church or accountability or even honesty. And the list goes on.
All seemed like good ideas at the time. But, at some point – probably not until life crashed around us – we had to face an important question: “How’s that working?”
The answer? Not. Not at all. Or maybe not for long.
We all had to face and admit that what we were trying just wasn’t working. (Sounds suspiciously like Step One.) And therefore, in desperation, we came to SAA.
But this question is not just important to ask BEFORE I enter SAA; it’s equally important to ask AFTER I enter this fellowship. Whatever I’m trying to do to recover from sex addiction – working the steps with a sponsor, using some tools of recovery, attending meetings, outer circle behavior, watching my diet, whatever – I should periodically ask myself: “How’s that working?”
If I find myself acting out less often (but still acting out)… or if I find that my character defects are still front-and-center… or if my sobriety is mostly based on white-knuckling… or if I look back and find that I’m not really any different than when I arrived here… my answer to that question should probably be, “Not working very well, actually.” And I should reconsider my plan.
On the other hand, if I’m changed… if some measure of sanity has returned… if my sobriety is due to the problem having been removed to some degree… then my answer should be, “Working well.”
And I should be thankful.
And I should continue working it – one day at a time.